There’s no rule or guide that tells you what to do. So finding something that can lead us in a positive direction which considers what Gabi wants is very important.  

When Gabi was younger, there was always somewhere for her to go next. Now, it's a little bit more challenging because she's an adult. I wonder what her days are going to look like. What will she be doing that's beneficial and positive in her life? The goal isn't to replace school, but we do want to make her options better and broader.  

When Gabi graduated from high school or around her last year at school, she made us aware that she wanted her life to be like everybody else’s. She would often say, ‘but mom, that's what the kids my age are doing.’ When we were deciding whether she'd go to college, she communicated to us that she didn't want to go just yet. She explained that she wanted a year to figure out what to do, to stay productive by getting a part time job and then decide about college in the future. This revelation was a big ‘aha’ moment for my husband and I. Not only was it about letting her make that choice, but realizing that she had the ability to do it and that there's so much more out there in the world for her than just a college program that's specifically designed for people with disabilities.  

So we are approaching the situation in the same way as for her brother, Bennett. He has been a considerable influence in helping us recognize that Gabi is an independent 19-year-old that can make her own decisions and choices. As parents, we've learned to back off a bit and give her the space to exercise her own decision-making autonomy.  

Gabi is very sure of herself. She knows what she wants, and she doesn't tend to defer from that. She also knows exactly what she doesn't want to do, and she is very vocal about that. Gabi will seek out Bennett or her cousin’s opinion because they are closer in age. She’ll even just have conversations with them to see what they're doing with their lives.  

She's really excited about the possibility of getting a part time job and making her own money. Although nothing has come of the two positions that she's applied for so far, she's excited with the whole process of it. Even her reaction to the jobs that she eventually wasn't selected for was surprising to me. She wasn't at all disappointed. She had a positive outlook and was willing to try again.  

I think it helped that around that time, Bennett was doing the same thing. He was applying vigorously to jobs and nothing was working out. With Gabi, understanding how the whole job-hunting process worked was important. It's also good to explain the process to her more than once so that she understands, but it's really easy to keep a positive outlook. Gabi is so positive when it comes to things that we might not like. She's always surprising me in that way.  

This is a learning curve for me. I am still the mom with the 3-year-old in Sick Kids Hospital, especially when meeting new people. But stepping back and letting Gabi take the lead is something that I've been trying to do a lot more. I allow her to be herself, not correcting her or apologizing for anything, because there's no reason to do that. She is able to do things like having conversations with the cashier at a store or the waitress at a restaurant. Amid doing all of this, we ensure she knows that we're always here as safety nets for her if she needs it. I think that helps her comfortably take her own reins. We also try to gear any questions or conversations towards her so that she is continually learning to be more comfortable, and to engage in these things independently from her dad and me.  

People’s expectations can be a barrier. Because Gabi looks like a 19-year-old but may not speak like one, it takes people aback at times. Sometimes service workers get frustrated, tune her out or ignore her and look to me. I find people do that with elderly people too, but because they have a certain look to them, service workers are more inclined to slow down their pace and give them time. But not so with Gabi and I think it's because of the expectation attached to someone her age. Workers in the service industry just need to realize that there is no problem, she can make her own decisions. You just need to slow down a little bit.  

In future, with Gabi’s finances, I’ll let her make decisions, but I'll take care of the numbers. That's just because that's the part that she has difficulty with. So, at the same time I'll be endeavouring to teach her about the numbers. Another example would be going to the bank to set up a new bank account and allowing her to have the space to ask any questions that she has concerning banking, whether it's about how to use her bank card and so on. The important thing is that she's a part of the conversation. Even concerning a job and her questioning how to get there, which buses to use, if the driver comes and picks her up, if she’s able to walk or ride a bike. I want her to know all the options because I want her to decide what it is she wants.   

I might be the person that keeps track of her calendar, but whoever exists in this ‘overseer’ role will change. This role will always be present in Gabi’s life, but it's really important to make that role as respectful and as meaningful for her so that she's able to live her life in the best way.  

I know that there are incredible possibilities for Gabi. Possibilities that are going to look like ones everybody else has. Possibilities that have the potential to make her life fulfilled and happy like everybody else. Gabi is such a happy person, and she lives in a world where we wish to cultivate the best opportunities for her. I think that's a desire that a lot of people have for themselves in their own lives. Recognizing Gabi’s ability has become an incredible journey for her and for us as her family.   

It frustrates me that adults like Gabi aren't given the same opportunities due to the circumstances of their lives. The government needs to sit down and review the policies and legislation to ensure opportunities for people like Gabi come to the political forefront. It's really important to honor Gabi’s autonomy and give her the opportunity to make decisions. And if she's not able to make that decision alone, then prioritizing supports is just as important as housing, for example.   

Spreading awareness and making the public understand is an important thing to do as well. People often look at me like I'm from Mars because they've been ignorant that opportunities outside of the norm for disabled individuals exist; they've just never been conscious of it. To be honest, until I became a part of this effort in recognizing Gabi’s capacity in decision making, in my subconscious I thought this was a perfect world. But it's not. I now realize there are huge barriers that stunt Gabi’s opportunities. There are so many families that have no understanding about this. We've got to grab those families and let them know what is possible.