Ernestine and Jayde

I’ve always wanted Jayde to work. I’d like for her to give back to the community, and she’d like to as well, but it has always been a roadblock. However, since working alongside DFR I’ve been motivated to continue seeking more and not to take it personal when I’m met with adversaries. Being a part of a family group has helped me by listening to how they handle situations, and garnering information from them. I’m also more patient.  

When we came together around the job situation, it was the best thing since sliced bread! Having everyone present, brainstorming their suggestions and ideas, it made Jayde feel very important. It was like she was running the meeting; it gave her so much confidence. When Jayde learned about the plethora of job opportunities, it seemed to broaden her horizon and how she was thinking about performing in a job role. Previously, she thought of her potential job role in the field of electronics. Now, she is willing to explore opportunities beyond this field.  

In order to continue helping Jayde be the ultimate decision-maker in her own life, I encourage her, to help grow her confidence. I let her know that she’s just like anyone else. I ensure she knows that not only is her family’s support behind her, but that she also has the support of other people that will bolster her when she needs it. For example, having someone check in with her to see if she’s on course with her job responsibilities, to make sure she knows how to behave in the space, and how to advocate for herself. These things are important to her because she has expressed some concerns about how and what to do, and whether she’d have the support she needed to navigate this new role.  

Jayde will know what to do, but in the past was not confident enough to do it. In retrospect, she would express that she would have chosen the same thing but was doubting whether the decision was the right course of action. Now, if I’m present, I leave her. I allow her to figure out how to interact with others. No matter how long it may take, I’ve learned to allow her to try to communicate any information needed to access services she needs. And it hasn’t been a trouble at all.   

If need be, she has learned how to communicate that she needs a moment to access her phone to retrieve necessary information for the service she’s trying to access. Let's say there’s a word she needs, she'll type or speak the word into her phone, and it takes note of it. This way, she is able to just show people what she wants to communicate. It’s a positive experience, however, it causes me to reflect on my biggest regret which is not already having been a part of an agency like DFR and a family group.  

It's edifying to hear the stories of others. Furthermore, I’ve realized it's important to share my story because someone else can learn from it! I’ve definitely learned from the stories of others. I’ve realized that I didn’t have to be overprotective of Jayde. In the past, I wasn’t seeking help for Jayde; every expense came out of pocket. I used to sugar coat everything because I thought our circumstance portrayed me as a bad mother. Now I have reality-grounded conversations and Jayde is more independent. She can use the Durham Region Public Transit independently. She is aware of how to operate doors, and double check whether they’re locked or not. She understands that, for example, if the doorbell rings at midnight it’s safest not to open it.  

Jayde finding her own voice must come from within herself. However, if she has a routine, if she is given chances to independently problem solve, or if she has one or two support persons to seek in times of help, these will all serve as benefits.  

Since becoming a part of a family group, I have now learned to let Jayde speak for herself. I’ve learned to not jump in unnecessarily and try to help her in every situation. I've learned to not speak over her. I’ve learned not to negatively offer her disability as an explanation for others. I’ve learned to no longer do these things and to just let her be herself. I’ve learned to accept her.